Russian Women - Flowers 101

Most women have an affection for flowers, but...

Russian women LOVE flowers!

Flowers can send a big message - transcending language barriers, speaking the international languages of love, caring, and careful consideration.

Whether you're only at the correspondence stage, or perhaps at the meeting stage, dating, popping the question, or celebrating a special occasion...

Give the gift of flowers - they will be very well-received!

But make sure you do it right!

There are things you should know...

If you're getting to know your girl by long-distance correspondence and things are progressing well, organize a surprise flower delivery. She'll be most impressed.
Tip: don't do it in the very first week - it could back-fire on you (could be seen as "buying" her interest).

When you meet your girl for the first time (in person, after your long-distance relations have been successful - i.e. you have a relationship of sorts), give her a red rose as soon as you meet (doesn't have to be the very first minute you see her in the airport terminal, but perhaps in the taxi).
Tip: BRING the red rose from home. Yes, you read correctly - from YOUR home. Not the flower shop at the airport where you land, but from your own country. Don't worry if it looks half-dead by the time you hand it to her - you just brought it half way around the world! That's the point - not just a flower, but an extra special gift. I bet she presses it into a book and never discards it. (Also, even if it looks "travel weary", it will still have the fragrance).

If you're after a way to meet girls unannounced (when in Russia/FSU) - try giving a flower to a girl out of the blue. Simply say: "A pretty flower for a pretty girl" and see her reaction. Not only will she be astounded by the gesture, she'll notice you are a foreigner, which will also intrigue her. If nothing else, she'll take it as a compliment, and it will be an enjoyable moment for both of you.
Tips: before pulling such a move, check her right hand ring finger for a wedding ring (yes - right hand, which is the local custom). Refer to her as a "girl", not a woman. Have a card you can give her with your name, email, and local contact details on it. Ask her for her details. Don't worry if her English isn't too good.

When spending time with your girl - take any opportunity to give her a flower, or eleven! Often you will see flower stalls near shops or markets. She will be visibly proud as she walks down the street on the arm of her man, clutching flowers in the other hand, which that wonderful man has just bought her!
Tip: don't ask her if she'd like some flowers, INSIST upon stopping to have a look at the flowers, then tell her to nominate her favorites, and buy them! You could spot a flower seller and say "We NEED some flowers!", and lead her there! She'll love it!

Make sure you give her flowers for her birthday,

Valentines Day, and Women's Day.

Roses are the most adored and prized flowers to Russian women. As in the West, red roses are the symbol of love. White roses are a classy alternative if you think red might be a bit strong, or just for something different.

Long-stem roses are preferred, and (in Russia), being rare, represent the rarity and delightful innocence of love.

Tulips, carnations, and other well-known flowers are also popular. Lilies can be given, with their stunning appearance and unique fragrance, but remember that white lilies are often seen as "sympathy"/funeral flowers.

When sending flowers for the first time, if you think roses might be a bit strong (as a message), send a bouquet of mixed seasonal flowers chosen by the florist. You could also include a small box of chocolates with it - you know, just to be practical!

Send a bright, multicolor arrangement if she is unwell or in need of a cheer-up. Send white lilies or carnations as a sympathy arrangement.

ESSENTIAL flower-giving tips:

ODD numbers only - give flowers in odd numbers (i.e. 5, 7, 9, 11, etc).
In Russian / Slavic tradition, an even number of flowers is a bad omen - you bring an even number of flowers to a funeral (for example 2 or 4 flowers). If giving a large bouquet, the number count is not so critical, but if it contains roses, make sure there's an odd number of roses at least. Any odd number is good - the more the better. Give 11 instead of a dozen.

Yellow flowers (predominantly, or on their own) are not to be given to a loved one - they symbolize unfaithfulness. But if her favorite color is yellow, there may be some rule-bending there!

Don't forget her mother! Earn some serious "gentleman points" by giving a bouquet or a single rose to your girl's mother on the important holidays and special occasions. You'll be seen as having some serious class and style!

Most flower delivery services offer to take a photo of your girl receiving the flowers. Think about that for a second. Not only is it a great "real", and recent photo of your girl, and not only does it confirm the delivering of the service you've paid for, but it also confirms her very existence as well.

If, up until now, you've only be corresponding remotely, a flower and/or gift delivery service can confirm she is in-fact real, visiting her at her home address and photographing her. Whether you had any doubts or not, it's nice to have that snap-shot of reality, and see her with a smile as she holds the flowers you just gave her.

Flower delivery services are available in almost every city in Russia and the FSU countries. Do a good search as prices can vary quite considerably. Also note there can be significant seasonal variances in availability and price of different flowers too.

Now go court her like a gentleman !


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A Day For Russian Men

23rd of February is the "Defender of Fatherland" day, which is an unofficial holiday for all Russian men (in Russia).

In Russia, all men must serve in the military, (it's compulsory). They are therefore part of the "National Defending Force" - present or future soldiers.

The day is only officially a holiday in Russia (formerly all U.S.S.R.), but it may still be of importance to Russian people in the now "FSU" countries, particularly if they are ethnic Russian. It is common for women to give small gifts to men they know, not just partners or family, but can also be the men at their place of work, or university.

As a point of "conversation", you can ask your Russian girlfriend about 23 February - "The Defender Day", and how/if she celebrated it - she will be impressed with your knowledge of the Russian calendar and such a historical date.

Do Russian Women Prefer Men With Degrees?

If you look at profiles of Russian women, they are most often holders of university degrees and will usually state they seek men who are also of higher education (i.e. college / university degree).

What if you don't have one? Does that harm your chances? Does it seriously narrow the field?

I would answer: No - there are much more important considerations.

Russian women considering husbands from abroad are more interested in basic human qualities more than higher education.

They want to know if you truly desire marriage and children.
They want to know if you are ready to love and be loved.
They want to know if you are a "good person", kind, honest, faithful and generous to those you are close to.
They place great importance on your attitude to alcohol - no heavy drinking.

If you can satisfy the above, (not too much to ask for!), then you are well on your way to success.

Other factors such as how rich, educated or good-looking you are, are of little importance to a genuine Russian bride-to-be.

Basic human qualities rate far above possessions or achievements.

Now, isn't that the way it should be?

Russian Brides - What's The Catch?

Some things in life seem too good to be true.

If you're using the internet to search for a partner, a healthy dose of scepticism is not a bad thing. It can even be critical when sorting the genuine from the non-genuine, the suitable from the non-suitable.

When you see profiles of women who seem to be "just too good to be true", then the next thought is usually, "OK, if they're genuine - what's the catch?"

To many men from Western nations, it is highly refreshing to see not only physical attractiveness exhibited by the "average" Russian lady, but also real feminine beauty in their thoughts, desires, interests, and expectations of relationships and family.

What's the catch?

There will, of course, be some cultural differences, usually some language difficulties to overcome, adjustment to a new life. But, not only are these easy to overcome, they can also be an enriching and positive aspect to your relationship. (I think this is so important and so overlooked by most people that it will be written-up as a seperate article in the future.)

Really, the only thing men should keep in mind that may possibly seen as a "catch" is:

Russian women want CHILDREN.

If you see a Russian lady as the ideal partner, but you do not want children, you are looking in the wrong place for your future wife.

Of course, having children is the ultimate achievement for all of us - male or female, but whereas many women in the West may increasingly see it as a "choice", to Russian women, it is an essential part of womanhood. It is an absolute given that a Russian woman should marry and have children. It is a cornerstone piece of their cultural make-up and upbringing.

Any man who wants to have children should take this as a "godsend", because not only does she want to have children, she will take it as a joy and a pleasure to nurture your children in the most loving and caring way - like you have never seen before.

To see a Russian woman with her baby is nothing short of beautiful. To see how she sees it as a blessing and a privilege to cater to that child's needs and healthy upbringing, (and not a chore, or a burden, or a "difficult responsibility") - is breath-taking!

OK, so what if she already HAS children?

That now becomes an individual question. If she has more than one child already, she will most likely be content to not have any more. Even if she has only one child, she may also be content to not have any more, as it is not unusual for Russians to have only one or two children.

What if YOU already have children?

She may be fully accepting of your existing children, but she will still want to have at least one child herself. Life would not otherwise be complete for her as a woman.

Is it better to have a child together regardless of how many existing children either of you have? In my opinion, yes, but of course it will depend upon both of your individual wants and desires. Your ages may also have a bearing on your decision. If you're both over 35, and already have children, then you are probably both past the "having children" stage, and are content to seek stable family life with your existing brood. Your (and her) choice.

So is there no other scenario?

There always exceptions to the "rules", but the vast majority of Russian women fall into this category. Children are an essential part of life. It is natural for them, and they will tell you just that! A dream to be fulfilled.

To any real man, this should not be daunting in any way, it should be a huge relief!

Not only can you find the ideal WIFE, but ideal MOTHER to your children. You've hit the jackpot! The best of both worlds - in more ways than one.

If that doesn't inspire you to pursue this particular road to happiness and fulfillment, then I seriously don't know what will.

You can give shallow women the flick. Real women are out there.


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Your Russian Girlfriend Is Not Dear

Words can have peculiar meanings from one culture to the next.

I have previously explained the subtle but important differences in meaning of the words "expensive" and "dear" between Russians and English speakers.

There are many examples of English words that can very easily confuse someone with limited English, AND, even if language is translated, you must remember that true (intended) meanings can be lost, and misunderstandings formed.

In written correspondence, English speakers will almost always commence their writing with the word "Dear" and then the name of person they are addressing the letter to. It is normal whether the letter is for personal or business reasons, or if the person is known to you or not.

It is simply a standard, customary way of writing. It generally has no further meaning.

When writing to Russian girls however, you should never start your writing in this way.
At least not until you have a solid relationship, and even then it may still not be what she wants to see.

There a couple of reasons why it is not appropriate to use the word "dear".

In Russian letter writing, the word "dear" would mean that you know someone very well and they mean a great deal to you. So to start your very first letter to a Russian in this way may come across as non-genuine or make her feel uncomfortable.

If relations by correspondence develop, it may be OK, but it's more safe to avoid using it. The other reason it may not be well-received, even if you do have a "relationship" is the more literal meaning of the word which (to us) means "expensive". If she sees it in that light, she may not take it as the compliment that you might feel it could be. She does not see herself as "dear", needing to be bought or spent money upon. This could be insulting as it would make her "greedy".

She does not like greedy men, and she would never want to be seen as greedy herself.

Read about "greedy" if you haven't already done so:
http://russianwomen4westernmen.blogspot.com/2007/02/russian-women-and-greedy-western-men.html

The solution is to simply use the word "hello". When translated it will be "Privyet" which means hi/hello. It is a regular, somewhat informal greeting. If you don't know any Russian words yet, there's your first one! (and how it's pronounced in English).

Example:
Hello Elena,
(start writing as you would any letter)...

What about signing off the letter?

Again, think conservative and do not write "Love, (your name)" when you do not have a full relationship with her, and by that I mean you have met her and are in love (and the feeling is mutual)!

End the letter by saying something like: "I hope to hear from you soon" or "I look forward to your next letter", and then simply write your name on the last line. If you want to be a little more formal, especially to someone you don't already know, you can sign-off with "Sincerely, (your name)". Simple!

More on letter/email writing etiquette, and "how not to stuff it up" / create misunderstandings, later...


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Russian Women and Greedy Western Men

A key difference you may encounter when meeting Russian women is how they look at money, concepts of "value", and the etiquette of it all.

In the West, we always observe prices and make judgements about "value for money". It is also not considered unusual to discuss such things in almost any situation. Although even in the West, you wouldn't want to make it too obvious that you only select things based on price, especially in a romantic situation, for the risk of appearing "cheap".

In Russia / FSU it is considered "bad manners" to talk of how "expensive" something is, or that it does not represent "value". At the start of a relationship, it can be the kiss of death.

First, let's look at how different terms are perceived.

To a Westerner, "expensive" or "dear" = "overpriced", and "not good value-for-money"

To a Russian, "expensive" means "I can not afford it / do not have the money for it"

Think about that for a second. There's a critical difference in word meaning alone. "Pricey" v. "unaffordable".

More importantly, common social etiquette for Russian people is to not even discuss such things, especially in a romantic situation.

If a Western man objects to something being "expensive" in any way, he is labelled "greedy". He is perceived as being "tight" and "money-counting" or "penny-pinching".

A lot of it is due to costs and means of living. You have grown-up in two totally different systems of living, and paying for your living expenses. In the West, you are accustomed to having to be totally responsible for all the costs of living, and having to budget accordingly.

Unfortunately for an unknowing Western male, it's difficult for you to be seen as just being "wise with your money" when you make $4000 per month, compared to $100-200 per month average monthly earnings it the FSU. How could you not afford something?

When you comment that something is expensive, and you have a wad of cash in your wallet, you are clearly greedy. If you don't want to buy something, then don't. But don't make a fuss over it, just move on.

People of the FSU do not understand that most people in the West barely see anything left of that $4000 after all the expenses of a month's living. But don't try too hard to explain the "relativeness" of earnings and expenditure between the two different countries - it won't wash. You're just trying to make excuses for your "greediness"!

A genuine Russian lady will not like to admit she is "in need" of anything or is unable to afford the things she needs in life. Whilst she will gracefully accept "romantic" gifts (flowers, chocolates, even jewelry) from someone that takes her interest, she will not be comfortable accepting more practical gifts or financial assistance under most circumstances.

Russian women like generous men. Now that doesn't mean you have to shower your girl with constant gifts and expenditure, it's more about generosity as an approach to your prospective partner, rather than generously spending money as such. It's about thoughtfulness, and courting like a gentleman. Excessive gift-giving or financial assistance may back-fire on you without you even realizing it. She does not want to feel greedy herself! She also does not want you to think she can be bought, or for her to feel she is "for sale".

If you are only at the stage of getting to know a girl by long-distance relations (emails/letters/phone), you can impress her by sending her flowers/gifts. You will appear "generous". When you do meet her in person, you MUST have gifts. It is essential. They don't have to be in any way expensive - it's the thoughtfulness behind them that's important. But whatever you do, don't even discuss costs or perceptions of "value".

When you discuss meeting for the first time, don't comment on the cost of the travel or how much of a good deal you've been able to source. The ONLY thing that matters is that you have made a commitment to visit her. If you start talking costs, it will seem your priorities are not quite where they should be!

If you say you can not afford to buy your tickets just yet, it sounds like an excuse for you not wanting to commit to making the journey to seeing her. You obviously do not WANT to visit her. You may think you're just being honest - and she may think you're being dishonest!

If you really are having a problem with affordability (for travel tickets and other expenses), it is better to push back the date and tell her you cannot travel until that time due to work commitments or leave entitlements (or whatever), rather than say anything about costs. Remember, she wants to know that you are coming, not the details of your monthly budget.

When it comes to money matters - just be tactful and discreet. It's that simple.

When you are courting a lady, money is just a system of payment, NOT a focus.

Focus on what's more important...


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