Russian Women and Greedy Western Men

A key difference you may encounter when meeting Russian women is how they look at money, concepts of "value", and the etiquette of it all.

In the West, we always observe prices and make judgements about "value for money". It is also not considered unusual to discuss such things in almost any situation. Although even in the West, you wouldn't want to make it too obvious that you only select things based on price, especially in a romantic situation, for the risk of appearing "cheap".

In Russia / FSU it is considered "bad manners" to talk of how "expensive" something is, or that it does not represent "value". At the start of a relationship, it can be the kiss of death.

First, let's look at how different terms are perceived.

To a Westerner, "expensive" or "dear" = "overpriced", and "not good value-for-money"

To a Russian, "expensive" means "I can not afford it / do not have the money for it"

Think about that for a second. There's a critical difference in word meaning alone. "Pricey" v. "unaffordable".

More importantly, common social etiquette for Russian people is to not even discuss such things, especially in a romantic situation.

If a Western man objects to something being "expensive" in any way, he is labelled "greedy". He is perceived as being "tight" and "money-counting" or "penny-pinching".

A lot of it is due to costs and means of living. You have grown-up in two totally different systems of living, and paying for your living expenses. In the West, you are accustomed to having to be totally responsible for all the costs of living, and having to budget accordingly.

Unfortunately for an unknowing Western male, it's difficult for you to be seen as just being "wise with your money" when you make $4000 per month, compared to $100-200 per month average monthly earnings it the FSU. How could you not afford something?

When you comment that something is expensive, and you have a wad of cash in your wallet, you are clearly greedy. If you don't want to buy something, then don't. But don't make a fuss over it, just move on.

People of the FSU do not understand that most people in the West barely see anything left of that $4000 after all the expenses of a month's living. But don't try too hard to explain the "relativeness" of earnings and expenditure between the two different countries - it won't wash. You're just trying to make excuses for your "greediness"!

A genuine Russian lady will not like to admit she is "in need" of anything or is unable to afford the things she needs in life. Whilst she will gracefully accept "romantic" gifts (flowers, chocolates, even jewelry) from someone that takes her interest, she will not be comfortable accepting more practical gifts or financial assistance under most circumstances.

Russian women like generous men. Now that doesn't mean you have to shower your girl with constant gifts and expenditure, it's more about generosity as an approach to your prospective partner, rather than generously spending money as such. It's about thoughtfulness, and courting like a gentleman. Excessive gift-giving or financial assistance may back-fire on you without you even realizing it. She does not want to feel greedy herself! She also does not want you to think she can be bought, or for her to feel she is "for sale".

If you are only at the stage of getting to know a girl by long-distance relations (emails/letters/phone), you can impress her by sending her flowers/gifts. You will appear "generous". When you do meet her in person, you MUST have gifts. It is essential. They don't have to be in any way expensive - it's the thoughtfulness behind them that's important. But whatever you do, don't even discuss costs or perceptions of "value".

When you discuss meeting for the first time, don't comment on the cost of the travel or how much of a good deal you've been able to source. The ONLY thing that matters is that you have made a commitment to visit her. If you start talking costs, it will seem your priorities are not quite where they should be!

If you say you can not afford to buy your tickets just yet, it sounds like an excuse for you not wanting to commit to making the journey to seeing her. You obviously do not WANT to visit her. You may think you're just being honest - and she may think you're being dishonest!

If you really are having a problem with affordability (for travel tickets and other expenses), it is better to push back the date and tell her you cannot travel until that time due to work commitments or leave entitlements (or whatever), rather than say anything about costs. Remember, she wants to know that you are coming, not the details of your monthly budget.

When it comes to money matters - just be tactful and discreet. It's that simple.

When you are courting a lady, money is just a system of payment, NOT a focus.

Focus on what's more important...


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Russian Women and Stupid Men - Part 2

What's worse than the possibility of being labelled "stupid" by other people after getting scammed?

Knowing you've been scammed, and feeling / labelling YOURSELF as being stupid.

So, just "bury your head in the sand" and "hope for the best"?
I don't think so!

As the wise old saying goes - Prevention is better than cure.

If you haven't already read Part 1 to this, do so now...

http://russianwomen4westernmen.blogspot.com/2007/01/russian-women-and-stupid-men-part-1.html

Now, in this part, let's look at Basic Money Scam Scenarios and Red Flags to watch out for.

Most scams/fraud against men from Western countries by women from Russia or FSU countries, are not too sophisticated in nature, but for the unwary, they could at least waste your time and possibly impact upon your view of the women in general, let-alone take your money.

Picture these scenarios:

You contact a lady, or are contacted by one, and you start exchanging correspondence to get to know one another. After a few weeks everything seems to be going well despite the language and cultural differences, and then she asks if it would be possible for you to send a little money for her to continue to use the "Internet Club" to keep up the emails between you and her.

Is she a scammer?

You're in contact with a lady, and all is going well, then she says she wants to come and meet you in your country. She will organize things. No mention of money.

Is she a scammer?

Again, all is going well, she writes many emails but does not answer any specific questions you ask, or if she does, it is only as a short note at the end of the message.

Is she a scammer?

OK, straight to it -
1st scenario - maybe, maybe not.
2nd scenario - most likely.
3rd scenario - most likely.

In the first scenario, it's not a good sign if any woman is that forward in asking for money, as most genuine ladies would not, especially before you truly get to know each other. Having said that, it's true that many of them do have to use internet cafes to access email, as most people in FSU still do not have internet access at home. The cost is not huge, but compared to incomes, it can be relatively expensive. Still, to always protect yourself, remember "Rule 1" (don't send money).

In the second scenario, if she states her intention to come to you in order to meet, even if there is no mention of money (yet), start running (away)! She can NOT visit you. That's all there is to it. When you're serious about your Russian girlfriend, you'll have to go and meet her, in her country. You can bet your bottom dollar that even though she does not indicate any need for money, things will "happen", just before she is due to depart (and just as you're getting excited), and she will require you to send the dollars! And then some!

In the third scenario, it's a bad sign because it sounds like she could be sending you "form letters", the same ones that every other guy she's scamming is also receiving! If the girl is genuine, she wants to know about YOU, just like you want to know about her. She especially wants to know basic things to determine that you are a "good" man, and want to have family life and children. If the letters are all flattery, romance, and infatuation, but not really practical exchanges to get to know one-another, get ready to be disappointed!

Red Flags!

You need to be cautious when....

• She contacts YOU first via a large, free for all, dating site
• She has great photos but little information in her on-line profile
• She writes of "structure" in her profile or initial contact
• She sends you nude or very suggestive photos
• She specifically mentions anything about being a virgin
• Photos she sends have file names that contradict her story/name
• Her profile location contradicts where she says she is located
• Her childhood friend married a man from Germany or France (not an English speaking country)
• Her English is very good - all sentences make sense (Russian-English translation usually results in "jumbled" English at best)
• She writes poetry - in English (again, translation would ruin it)
• She starts writing very affectionately within a short time
• She declares her love or strong desire for you within a few months
• She asks for money at any time, for any reason, before you have met
• She writes of financial difficulty or crisis (an implied or actual money request is just around the corner!)
• She questions you on your income, wealth, assets, in any way
• She says she has no home phone but can call you from another phone
• She says she can get herself a Visa to come and see you. (NOT possible)
• She says she has family or friend in Visa office, airport, or travel agency
• She changes/contradicts details about her family and life
• She makes a mistake with your (or even her) name
• She knows exactly how Western Union (etc) money transfers work

Many of these appear obvious, but they can often appear quite innocent when combined with a good story.

The issue of photos can be tricky. A photo added to each letter can be a bad sign - part of a "form letter" system. Only ever receiving one or two photos can also be a bad sign as they may have just been lifted from the web somewhere. Ask for more photos, and if she does not have them on computer (which could be most likely), ask her to send by real mail.

As stated above, check the file names of images wherever possible - look for different girls names, methodical numbering system, or file names that sound like statements (to fit the form letters, and different scenarios).

A genuine Russian husband seeker is not going to send you nude or very suggestive photos of herself. Nor is she going to mention her virginity. She is also very unlikely to show her deepest feelings toward you for quite some time, as they tend to be guarded about such things, especially before you have met in person.

Any genuine girl also knows she can NOT get a Visa to visit you in a Western country, whether it be a "tourist", "student" or "fiance" Visa, whenever she likes. YOU have to assist her to get the Visa, and remember Visas can ONLY be obtained through your country's embassy/consulate, not through any "agency".

If someone does not have their own phone, then chances are they can also not afford to make overseas phone calls to you! Yes, it IS possible she does not have a home phone, let-alone a cell/mobile phone, but she should still be able and willing to give you another number, usually of a family member close-by, who does have a phone. She should also be very willing to give you her home address, so you could send her (real/postal) mail.

Remember that some of the above scenarios could come up and she may still be a 100% genuine girl, so be careful not to dismiss someone instantly just because you see a "red flag". If anything looks suspicious - test her out on something, it's not hard. If more red flags appear, then it's time to make a decision and move on.

What if you're still not quite sure?
What can you do make sure your Russian beauty is real and everything adds up?

I will continue with that very theme in Part 3...


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Hold the iphone - cheap phone calls!

When you're in a long-distance relationship, and later when your wife will want to keep in regular contact with her former homeland, there is an easy way to save a fortune on phone calls. It's by using a clever little thing called a phone card. You may think of phone cards as something people gave to their kids (in the days before every ten-year-old had their own phone in their pocket), so they could call home if they needed. A credit-card sized piece of plastic with a pretty picture on it (remember the phone card collecting craze?). Now, their look and main purpose is somewhat different.

Firstly, the card is missing something - the card! A physical card is simply not needed. Secondly, they are used by anyone and everyone to by-pass all the traditional local phone companies and get super cheap calls to anywhere in the world. Most traditional phone companies will still charge big dollars to call Russia and other overseas coutries, and particularly so for some of the lesser known FSU countries. Phone cards change all that.

How does it work?
You buy a "card" with a certain amount of call credit. You choose the card that best suits your call needs and gives you the best rate. The cost of the card is the amount of the credit, or sometimes less (ie your rates are effectively reduced even further). The card issuer usually provides a local dial-in number, or a free-call number for you to make your calls through. You then enter your id number, and make your call. Note that you may be charged a much higher rate if you go through a free-call number or other central number. When you use all the credit, you either get a new card, or re-charge your existing card if that option is available with that card.

How do you get one?
(No, I don't sell them, and I don't endorse any particular service either). Simply type "phone card" into the Google search box and it will give you a list of card brokers. They will usually have a large list of different card issuers and types, the card rules, and call rates. Click and buy, it's that simple.

What sort of savings?
Do the above search and you will soon see for yourself. I've seen people go from spending hundreds of dollars a month on their overseas calls, down to just $20-30 a month. It can be that dramatic.

So now there's no excuse - call your bride!
Regularly!