A Day For Russian Men

23rd of February is the "Defender of Fatherland" day, which is an unofficial holiday for all Russian men (in Russia).

In Russia, all men must serve in the military, (it's compulsory). They are therefore part of the "National Defending Force" - present or future soldiers.

The day is only officially a holiday in Russia (formerly all U.S.S.R.), but it may still be of importance to Russian people in the now "FSU" countries, particularly if they are ethnic Russian. It is common for women to give small gifts to men they know, not just partners or family, but can also be the men at their place of work, or university.

As a point of "conversation", you can ask your Russian girlfriend about 23 February - "The Defender Day", and how/if she celebrated it - she will be impressed with your knowledge of the Russian calendar and such a historical date.

Do Russian Women Prefer Men With Degrees?

If you look at profiles of Russian women, they are most often holders of university degrees and will usually state they seek men who are also of higher education (i.e. college / university degree).

What if you don't have one? Does that harm your chances? Does it seriously narrow the field?

I would answer: No - there are much more important considerations.

Russian women considering husbands from abroad are more interested in basic human qualities more than higher education.

They want to know if you truly desire marriage and children.
They want to know if you are ready to love and be loved.
They want to know if you are a "good person", kind, honest, faithful and generous to those you are close to.
They place great importance on your attitude to alcohol - no heavy drinking.

If you can satisfy the above, (not too much to ask for!), then you are well on your way to success.

Other factors such as how rich, educated or good-looking you are, are of little importance to a genuine Russian bride-to-be.

Basic human qualities rate far above possessions or achievements.

Now, isn't that the way it should be?

Russian Brides - What's The Catch?

Some things in life seem too good to be true.

If you're using the internet to search for a partner, a healthy dose of scepticism is not a bad thing. It can even be critical when sorting the genuine from the non-genuine, the suitable from the non-suitable.

When you see profiles of women who seem to be "just too good to be true", then the next thought is usually, "OK, if they're genuine - what's the catch?"

To many men from Western nations, it is highly refreshing to see not only physical attractiveness exhibited by the "average" Russian lady, but also real feminine beauty in their thoughts, desires, interests, and expectations of relationships and family.

What's the catch?

There will, of course, be some cultural differences, usually some language difficulties to overcome, adjustment to a new life. But, not only are these easy to overcome, they can also be an enriching and positive aspect to your relationship. (I think this is so important and so overlooked by most people that it will be written-up as a seperate article in the future.)

Really, the only thing men should keep in mind that may possibly seen as a "catch" is:

Russian women want CHILDREN.

If you see a Russian lady as the ideal partner, but you do not want children, you are looking in the wrong place for your future wife.

Of course, having children is the ultimate achievement for all of us - male or female, but whereas many women in the West may increasingly see it as a "choice", to Russian women, it is an essential part of womanhood. It is an absolute given that a Russian woman should marry and have children. It is a cornerstone piece of their cultural make-up and upbringing.

Any man who wants to have children should take this as a "godsend", because not only does she want to have children, she will take it as a joy and a pleasure to nurture your children in the most loving and caring way - like you have never seen before.

To see a Russian woman with her baby is nothing short of beautiful. To see how she sees it as a blessing and a privilege to cater to that child's needs and healthy upbringing, (and not a chore, or a burden, or a "difficult responsibility") - is breath-taking!

OK, so what if she already HAS children?

That now becomes an individual question. If she has more than one child already, she will most likely be content to not have any more. Even if she has only one child, she may also be content to not have any more, as it is not unusual for Russians to have only one or two children.

What if YOU already have children?

She may be fully accepting of your existing children, but she will still want to have at least one child herself. Life would not otherwise be complete for her as a woman.

Is it better to have a child together regardless of how many existing children either of you have? In my opinion, yes, but of course it will depend upon both of your individual wants and desires. Your ages may also have a bearing on your decision. If you're both over 35, and already have children, then you are probably both past the "having children" stage, and are content to seek stable family life with your existing brood. Your (and her) choice.

So is there no other scenario?

There always exceptions to the "rules", but the vast majority of Russian women fall into this category. Children are an essential part of life. It is natural for them, and they will tell you just that! A dream to be fulfilled.

To any real man, this should not be daunting in any way, it should be a huge relief!

Not only can you find the ideal WIFE, but ideal MOTHER to your children. You've hit the jackpot! The best of both worlds - in more ways than one.

If that doesn't inspire you to pursue this particular road to happiness and fulfillment, then I seriously don't know what will.

You can give shallow women the flick. Real women are out there.


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Your Russian Girlfriend Is Not Dear

Words can have peculiar meanings from one culture to the next.

I have previously explained the subtle but important differences in meaning of the words "expensive" and "dear" between Russians and English speakers.

There are many examples of English words that can very easily confuse someone with limited English, AND, even if language is translated, you must remember that true (intended) meanings can be lost, and misunderstandings formed.

In written correspondence, English speakers will almost always commence their writing with the word "Dear" and then the name of person they are addressing the letter to. It is normal whether the letter is for personal or business reasons, or if the person is known to you or not.

It is simply a standard, customary way of writing. It generally has no further meaning.

When writing to Russian girls however, you should never start your writing in this way.
At least not until you have a solid relationship, and even then it may still not be what she wants to see.

There a couple of reasons why it is not appropriate to use the word "dear".

In Russian letter writing, the word "dear" would mean that you know someone very well and they mean a great deal to you. So to start your very first letter to a Russian in this way may come across as non-genuine or make her feel uncomfortable.

If relations by correspondence develop, it may be OK, but it's more safe to avoid using it. The other reason it may not be well-received, even if you do have a "relationship" is the more literal meaning of the word which (to us) means "expensive". If she sees it in that light, she may not take it as the compliment that you might feel it could be. She does not see herself as "dear", needing to be bought or spent money upon. This could be insulting as it would make her "greedy".

She does not like greedy men, and she would never want to be seen as greedy herself.

Read about "greedy" if you haven't already done so:
http://russianwomen4westernmen.blogspot.com/2007/02/russian-women-and-greedy-western-men.html

The solution is to simply use the word "hello". When translated it will be "Privyet" which means hi/hello. It is a regular, somewhat informal greeting. If you don't know any Russian words yet, there's your first one! (and how it's pronounced in English).

Example:
Hello Elena,
(start writing as you would any letter)...

What about signing off the letter?

Again, think conservative and do not write "Love, (your name)" when you do not have a full relationship with her, and by that I mean you have met her and are in love (and the feeling is mutual)!

End the letter by saying something like: "I hope to hear from you soon" or "I look forward to your next letter", and then simply write your name on the last line. If you want to be a little more formal, especially to someone you don't already know, you can sign-off with "Sincerely, (your name)". Simple!

More on letter/email writing etiquette, and "how not to stuff it up" / create misunderstandings, later...


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Russian Women and Greedy Western Men

A key difference you may encounter when meeting Russian women is how they look at money, concepts of "value", and the etiquette of it all.

In the West, we always observe prices and make judgements about "value for money". It is also not considered unusual to discuss such things in almost any situation. Although even in the West, you wouldn't want to make it too obvious that you only select things based on price, especially in a romantic situation, for the risk of appearing "cheap".

In Russia / FSU it is considered "bad manners" to talk of how "expensive" something is, or that it does not represent "value". At the start of a relationship, it can be the kiss of death.

First, let's look at how different terms are perceived.

To a Westerner, "expensive" or "dear" = "overpriced", and "not good value-for-money"

To a Russian, "expensive" means "I can not afford it / do not have the money for it"

Think about that for a second. There's a critical difference in word meaning alone. "Pricey" v. "unaffordable".

More importantly, common social etiquette for Russian people is to not even discuss such things, especially in a romantic situation.

If a Western man objects to something being "expensive" in any way, he is labelled "greedy". He is perceived as being "tight" and "money-counting" or "penny-pinching".

A lot of it is due to costs and means of living. You have grown-up in two totally different systems of living, and paying for your living expenses. In the West, you are accustomed to having to be totally responsible for all the costs of living, and having to budget accordingly.

Unfortunately for an unknowing Western male, it's difficult for you to be seen as just being "wise with your money" when you make $4000 per month, compared to $100-200 per month average monthly earnings it the FSU. How could you not afford something?

When you comment that something is expensive, and you have a wad of cash in your wallet, you are clearly greedy. If you don't want to buy something, then don't. But don't make a fuss over it, just move on.

People of the FSU do not understand that most people in the West barely see anything left of that $4000 after all the expenses of a month's living. But don't try too hard to explain the "relativeness" of earnings and expenditure between the two different countries - it won't wash. You're just trying to make excuses for your "greediness"!

A genuine Russian lady will not like to admit she is "in need" of anything or is unable to afford the things she needs in life. Whilst she will gracefully accept "romantic" gifts (flowers, chocolates, even jewelry) from someone that takes her interest, she will not be comfortable accepting more practical gifts or financial assistance under most circumstances.

Russian women like generous men. Now that doesn't mean you have to shower your girl with constant gifts and expenditure, it's more about generosity as an approach to your prospective partner, rather than generously spending money as such. It's about thoughtfulness, and courting like a gentleman. Excessive gift-giving or financial assistance may back-fire on you without you even realizing it. She does not want to feel greedy herself! She also does not want you to think she can be bought, or for her to feel she is "for sale".

If you are only at the stage of getting to know a girl by long-distance relations (emails/letters/phone), you can impress her by sending her flowers/gifts. You will appear "generous". When you do meet her in person, you MUST have gifts. It is essential. They don't have to be in any way expensive - it's the thoughtfulness behind them that's important. But whatever you do, don't even discuss costs or perceptions of "value".

When you discuss meeting for the first time, don't comment on the cost of the travel or how much of a good deal you've been able to source. The ONLY thing that matters is that you have made a commitment to visit her. If you start talking costs, it will seem your priorities are not quite where they should be!

If you say you can not afford to buy your tickets just yet, it sounds like an excuse for you not wanting to commit to making the journey to seeing her. You obviously do not WANT to visit her. You may think you're just being honest - and she may think you're being dishonest!

If you really are having a problem with affordability (for travel tickets and other expenses), it is better to push back the date and tell her you cannot travel until that time due to work commitments or leave entitlements (or whatever), rather than say anything about costs. Remember, she wants to know that you are coming, not the details of your monthly budget.

When it comes to money matters - just be tactful and discreet. It's that simple.

When you are courting a lady, money is just a system of payment, NOT a focus.

Focus on what's more important...


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Sex Tours and The Three Insults

This is probably a good follow-up to "Those Ukraine Girls..."

Unfortunately, many men from around the world get a little too excited for all the wrong reasons.

If you are going to Ukraine, Russia, or any other FSU country, what are you going there for?

Women? Sex?

Or, are you going there for the chance to meet "The One" ?

Some men are at least honest when they say they are going there "for the women" - read: "going for a good time".

Sadly, many are deluding themselves by going "for the women" under the illusion of "looking for The One" - if they can just happen to find her at the same time.

This excerpt is from the Kyiv Post (Kiev, Ukraine)
http://www.kyivpost.com/opinion/oped/22660/

The Coming Summer Sex Boom
May 04 2005, 20:23

Summer’s on its way to Kyiv, which means mini-skirts and stiletto heels for women and the sex tourism season for too many men. Hordes of Turkish, German, American, French, English, Italian, Swedish and other men will, as they have for years, descend on the country over the next few months in hopes of finding “the right girl” – for marriage, supposedly, but in many cases for a week or a night.

The combination of long-standing native social attitudes and the sex tourism industry is doing a number on the mentality of local women. How many times have I heard foreign men who have dated Ukrainian women complain that women here are unknowable? That they’re all greedy and out for money? That they can’t be trusted? Is it possible that these women have simply learned to respond to a world that too often expects little more of them than to smile all the way to the bedroom? If they seem inscrutable, and like they’re out to get something from the men they interact with, that’s likely because they know that guys have an agenda in regard to them, too.

Just the existence of short-term sex tours for men to Ukraine is bad news for women here – an insult to them. Would German men or French men enjoy foreigners coming to their country en masse looking for sex with their sisters, daughters, friends and co-workers? Probably not. They’d be insulted. And yet they, and others, subject Ukrainian women – and Ukraine – to insults that they would never want to put up with themselves.

If you're a gentleman going there for all the RIGHT reasons, then make sure you look in the RIGHT places.

As you can see from the above, if you look in all the wrong places, you're bound to find all the wrong things that you hoped you wouldn't.

If you want to be one of the idiots sweating it out on the dance floor with hundreds of fellow idiots who are there with the same insulting intentions, then don't complain about what you find in that environment.

Things go hand in hand. People with bad intentions tend to bump into other people with bad intentions. Why expect any different?

If you want to go on "sex tours", remember three things:

1. You insult yourself
2. You insult your country of origin
3. You insult the country and it's people that you visit

You insult yourself by reducing yourself to a pathetic slave of your primal sex-drive which you have mis-read and redirected down the wrong path.

Real men are attracted to women. That's a fact, and long live that fact!

But men on "sex tours" are failed men who don't grasp the concept of successful relations with a woman, and the ultimate fulfillment it brings. If they realized they could find so much more by approaching a different environment AS a different environment, not just a honey-pot away from their inadequacies at home, they could find more than they ever thought possible.

You insult your country of origin for basically the same reasons. Pathetic men from a country of pathetic men? Ouch. That's a harsh image to throw back on your own country.

You insult the country you visit, it's people, it's culture, and especially the women. This is obvious and surely doesn't need further explaining. Refer back to the last paragraph of the article quoted above.

Then go back to #1 - You insult YOURSELF. Why would you do that?


Remember TRUE SUCCESS ?
Most Russian / FSU women understand what true success is.

Real men also understand what true success is.

Be a real man!

http://russianwomen4westernmen.blogspot.com/2007/01/russian-women-and-true-success.html


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Those Ukraine Girls...

This old song keeps coming to mind. Not quite sure why, but must be something to do with seeing too many gorgeous girls from Ukraine!

I'll feature them more in "Russian Women Outside Russia - Part 2" very shortly, but in the meantime, I'll leave you with the classic song, AND, for your visual pleasure, a lovely Ukranian girl for this week's "Russian Beauty of The Week". (scroll down the page...)


Back in the U.S.S.R. - The Beatles

(Lennon/McCartney)

Oh, flew in from Miami Beach B.O.A.C.
Didn't get to bed last night
On the way the paper bag was on my knee
Man I had a dreadful flight

I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy
Back in the U.S.S.R.
(Yeah)

Been away so long I hardly knew the place
Gee it's good to be back home
Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case
Honey disconnect the phone

I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy
Back in the U.S.
Back in the U.S.
Back in the U.S.S.R.

Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the West behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia's always on my mind

Aw come on!
Ho yeah!
Ho yeah!
Ho ho yeah!
Yeah yeah!
Yeah I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boys
Back in the U.S.S.R.

Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the West behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia's always on my mind

Oh, show me around your snow-peaked mountains way down south
Take me to your daddy's farm
Let me hear your balalaika's ringing out
Come and keep your comrade warm

I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
Hey you don't know how lucky you are boys
Back in the U.S.S.R.
Oh let me tell you,
honeyHey,
I'm back!
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
Yes, I'm free!
Yeah, back in the U.S.S.R.
Ha ha